is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
