I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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