i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
