My nipple is on Facebook.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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