I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
