So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize