Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
