kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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