k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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