I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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