if you like me you must not know who I am
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
