is your mom at the bar?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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