ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
