4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
