i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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