I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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