I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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