he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
