I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
