Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
