everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
