what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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