man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
