So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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