You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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