Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
