let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
