sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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