Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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