I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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