I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
