just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
