I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i think i have two assholes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
