i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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