She's JV to your varsity
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
