I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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