I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
