singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Vodka?
Forever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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