8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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