i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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