just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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