drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
