the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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