I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
