Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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