We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
