I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize