I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
