YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
