how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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