the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
