YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm going to jail i love you
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize