the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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