He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
