she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
