there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
