I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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