farters have to be the big spoon...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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