Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Success! We fucked roommates!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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