im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We got so high we made milksteak
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
